BJ's Space: The Notebook, My Life

I wrote you a letter today. Did you get it? Probably not yet, but I still wonder if you've gotten any of them. I wonder a lot of things that I question whether or not I should wonder at all.

Are you ok?

Are you happy?

Are you safe?

I wonder these things all the time. The one thing I cant help but wonder is,

Do you miss me?

I wonder that quite often. I'm not to sure what your answer would be at times. I always hope for the better though. I hope you're happy though, I want you to have fun. I still care about you a lot. I know i wrote you a letter today, but while i was writing it, I couldn't help but think of everything that has been going through my head lately. Not all the time, just at certain times. I think...Sometimes I find it hard to find happiness...well, anywhere really. I stayed up one night crying for a few hours, my mom and dad right there. I was worried for you. Worried sick. And I didn't know what I did wrong. Didn't know what was going on. I was in the middle of a circle of things, and I didn't know how to get out. That was a horrible night, especially because it was the day before XC camp. And recently, Saturday (7.25.09), Sarvis found out about everything that has been happening and he made me cry a little, but he made me feel good too. He motivated me a lot, like he tends to do when I need it most.

Thanks Sarv

I cant deny that i miss you. I'm trying to move on, for now at least. It's hard though. I care about you so much. Love you more then anything in this world. I still cant find it in myself to take all the pictures down. You just mean that much to me. I still don't know what you want from me, and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, I know that sounds really bad like in a blog, but I mean it in a good manner. I miss you a lot, and I still wonder how I've made it this far. Ill continue to push on, like I always have, and do whatever it is you need me to do until our paths cross again in the, hopefully, not so distant future.

It's so hard to write all this...

Don't ever give up. Ever. Listen to me when I say this people. When you truly Love someone, you never give up, never lose hope. We all have one time in our life that will stand out for the rest of our life that will be, to us, one of the hardest moments in our lives. I, personally, think I'm in the middle of one right now. Its so hard to do so, but you must keep your head high and your friends close. Fight through the pain, in anything you do. Find that perfect sunset, and just stare at it, and enjoy it. And never, ever give up.