I Need My Princess, Because We Are A Fairy Tale

I cant believe that just a few months ago, I was looking in your eyes, listening to "White Horse," and telling you how bad I wish i could kiss you, because you had mono, and I wasnt sure if it was ok yet. And then you look in my eyes, and you tell me "Go ahead, it's ok." I remember that so clearly, it was the most perfect kiss ever. And now...now I dont have any of that...and I cant even write about you and I without getting butterflies and getting worried. I miss you, and i dont know what to do right now. I know what I want, and I know what you want.

I just cant wait to have it again. That feeling...the feling of being Loved, cared about, stared at.

Remember the post "What Do I See?"

That was for you. And it was true. And it's all I can see and hope for. Don't leave forever. Please dont. I wont make it. Because if you were to ask me "Do you love me?" my answer would be an immediate yes. And for whatever reason, in my mind it seemed like a good idea to listen to "White Horse" by Taylor Swift. And then all that kept playing through my mind was holding your head and smiling oh so big. And now...now im left dangeling. Because I cant go to you and tell you this. I cant, see you today or whenever and tell you about it, and smile because you look at me and just kiss me. I cant have any of that. And I feel the need for it. I need you in my life Kaitlin, and at the same time I cant handle having you there unless we are what we were. Whenever I see your picture, or I hear you, or talk to you, or anything at all...I just melt. I fall apart. I get queezy, shakey, cold. I miss you. I miss you so much...

Why me?

- BeeJ

The Notebook, My Life

I wrote you a letter today. Did you get it? Probably not yet, but I still wonder if you've gotten any of them. I wonder a lot of things that I question whether or not I should wonder at all.

Are you ok?

Are you happy?

Are you safe?

I wonder these things all the time. The one thing I cant help but wonder is,

Do you miss me?

I wonder that quite often. I'm not to sure what your answer would be at times. I always hope for the better though. I hope you're happy though, I want you to have fun. I still care about you a lot. I know i wrote you a letter today, but while i was writing it, I couldn't help but think of everything that has been going through my head lately. Not all the time, just at certain times. I think...Sometimes I find it hard to find happiness...well, anywhere really. I stayed up one night crying for a few hours, my mom and dad right there. I was worried for you. Worried sick. And I didn't know what I did wrong. Didn't know what was going on. I was in the middle of a circle of things, and I didn't know how to get out. That was a horrible night, especially because it was the day before XC camp. And recently, Saturday (7.25.09), Sarvis found out about everything that has been happening and he made me cry a little, but he made me feel good too. He motivated me a lot, like he tends to do when I need it most.

Thanks Sarv

I cant deny that i miss you. I'm trying to move on, for now at least. It's hard though. I care about you so much. Love you more then anything in this world. I still cant find it in myself to take all the pictures down. You just mean that much to me. I still don't know what you want from me, and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, I know that sounds really bad like in a blog, but I mean it in a good manner. I miss you a lot, and I still wonder how I've made it this far. Ill continue to push on, like I always have, and do whatever it is you need me to do until our paths cross again in the, hopefully, not so distant future.

It's so hard to write all this...

Don't ever give up. Ever. Listen to me when I say this people. When you truly Love someone, you never give up, never lose hope. We all have one time in our life that will stand out for the rest of our life that will be, to us, one of the hardest moments in our lives. I, personally, think I'm in the middle of one right now. Its so hard to do so, but you must keep your head high and your friends close. Fight through the pain, in anything you do. Find that perfect sunset, and just stare at it, and enjoy it. And never, ever give up.

Ever.

And like I told you what seems like an eternity ago...

Remember...

...Always Remember

Yours,

BeeJ

I Love You

Growing Up?

Are we really? I mean, am I the only one who just doesn't feel like a senior? It felt so weird today to step on that field, (yeah i know i didn't do anything because of my leg), and to be one of the 20 or so wearing the Tye dye shirts, a tradition reserved for the seniors. It just doesn't feel like I'm really a senior you know? But at the same time it does. I look at myself, think to myself, whatever you want to call it, and I realize that I have grown up. I think more, choose more wisely, think clearer. When I think about girls, on the rare occasion, I want what I thought was mine. And when i try to find better use for my time then those hard thoughts, I realize that I judge girls by who they are, not 100% on their looks.

Seriously, I know I have grown up. I can feel it when i try hard enough to focus and just think. And its hard to accept that I'm alone right now, something that I didn't think would ever happen again. But I am here, I'm on that road, and i have to go down it until i find a fork in it. And when that time comes, I know it will be the right choice that I make. And at the same time, I know it wont be as easy as that. With all this power that i now have in the school and over my class, a lot rests souly on me. I guess I'm the person to look up to, and I am totally ok with that. But I am the kind of person to worry, and I worry about my friends, including those who have moved on past high school, and those who haven't. I wonder where their path's will lead them, and I want to make sure that they chose the right things, and don't have difficulties. I want to make this last year the single best year ever, hands down, and I believe i can do it. Maybe not by myself, but I know it can be done. I just worry, you know? I'm not sure if I really should worry about everyone, because I know sometimes i shouldn't because it can be a little much, but lately, that's all i have been able to do is worry for people. I really just don't have any one person to focus on...I need that again, in a bad way. I miss it a lot, I wont lie. But I'm keeping my head up, or at least trying.

...

I still cant believe that was the last band camp...I really cant. As much as I never thought i would, i know i will miss it. And the worst part is that i never really got to do any of the band camp stuff at all because of my bum leg...I feel so bad just sitting there you know? I try and help people and they accept it, but at the same time i feel like the guy who barks orders and never does anything but that...its a terrible feeling let me tell you...

Grown up? I'm not sure if we all are. I know in some aspects we all are, yes, but not in every way. There is always more to improve on. So here's to the Class of 2010. May our last year be the greatest year yet, and may we always remember it till our dying breath. I hope i can accomplish everything we want in a Senior year, and I hope you all stick along for the ride. Lets make this year full of many "Lasts" some of the greatest times of our lives. To my other friends, I am always here, if there is anything I can ever do, in school or out, please let me know. I'm always a call/text away, and will do anything for you.

After re-reading that, all I could think to myself is how i went from the selfish, video game kid in 6th grade, to the guy who only cares about Love, whether its talking about it, being in it, or helping others with it. Grown up? Yes

After reading this, look at yourself, Senior or not. Have you grown up? Matured? Anything? Post it here in the comments. It can remain anonymous if you choose, so please, share some thoughts =]

Humbly Yours,

BJ Nelson

I Love You

What Do I See?

What do I see in my future? Well, when I sat down, and I closed my eyes and just relaxed to the soothing tunes of Nsync's "This I Promise You," I saw you. It was you looking in my eyes, a little teary eyed because I always told you we would get here. I promised you when we were 16 and 17 years old, and now we're here. Your left hand on my shoulder, your other angelic hand in mine, the lights dim and are focused on us as we have our first dance as the newest Mr. & Mrs. A white dress and a black tux, perfectly matched like everything else that's been near us for the last few hours. As the photographer said, "Perfect." And it truly is perfect in every way. It seems impossible that it is actually happening, but we've made it 7 amazing years, and we are now married. We're on our way to becoming two very successful doctors, and nothing will stop us with the support we give for each other. But amidst all these thought, I look at you and whisper in your ear, "Sweetie, there's some thing I've always wanted to tell you and--" But you stop me and put your finger on my lip and whisper in the most pleasing voice my ears have ever heard, "I know, I've dreamed about this since before I met you too. And I wouldn't want it to be with anyone else in the world," and you finally manage to wink after all these years, and give me a kiss as I cradle your head. Everyone begins to cheer and take pictures as the final "This I promise you" comes through the speakers. And as it does, one more tear comes out...

...Of my eye.

That's what I see in my future. Some people see college or wealth, but I don't need that as long as you're there.

That's what I see.

- Your BeeJ

How Do You Know?

Do your hands get shakey?

Do you get butterflies?

Do you get a headache?

"Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep"

Do you shake a little?

Do you tremble?

Do you sweat?

"Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep"

Do you smile, a lot?

Do you question everything?

Do you wonder?

"When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true"

Do you get nervous?

Do you always try to impress?

Do you find it hard to operate in their absense?

"God must have spent...
A little more time
On you..."

Do you find it hard to not say "I Love You" ?

Do you find yourself apologizing for making yourself look stupid, even when they laugh?

Do you like all these bad things that are heppening to you?

-----

You know, im really not a doctor. But if I had to guess, if you could even call it that, I would say you're in Love. Yeah, those are the symptoms. Everyone who hasn't experienced Love always asks, "What does it feel like?" "How do you know?"

Thats how you know. And you know what?

All that pain...

It's Love.

Humbly Yours,

BJ Nelson

I Love You

Treckking On

Trekking on, that seems to be the only thing I've been able to do lately. With a leg that out of commission, life has been tough. I miss running.... A lot. The biking, it's just getting to me. Don't get me wrong, I love being with my team, but i just wish i could run with them...I'm not sure what I'm going to do at Cross camp (Fri-Sun) since i cant run. I guess I'm just gonna enjoy my team to the fullest.

But you know what made everything up to right now better? 100% better...

A 1:30 A.M. text message. =]] Talk about putting a smile on my face for the rest of the day =]]

Yours,

BJ Nelson

Motivation

As I wait in the car for my mom...




I saw an old man yesterday, 7/2/09, at 8:22 pm...









...He had no legs...






...That's why I run. Because he can't...


Do something for someone you may not even know and it feels so good inside...But if anything, do it because you can...


- BeeJ

Runnin' In The Rain

So today, it started off splendid! ... Cross practice was in a total downpour! But I wont lie, I liked it a lot =]] I love to run in the rain, although biking isn't as fun as running in it is...too much rain in my face and what not.

I guess I'm writing this so i can look back in a few months when I miss all of this and can remember how splendid it was =]

Who else is gonna miss this time right now? Or am I alone!? Lol

- BeeJ

Your Eyes

Kaitlin, I wrote this song for you for our two year anniversary. It was my gift to you, and as the paper wears and tears, it becomes ever more obvious that I need to make a digital copy. There is a guitar part to accompany it, and I assure you, you will hear it in full when you are ready and want to. This is your song, about you and I, and I can only hope that it will bring as much joy reading it, and someday hearing it, that it did to me in all the hours I put into it. =]

-------

Your Eyes

[Chorus]

Baby, don't close your eyes

Embrace what's inside, it's real.

Baby, please do not cry,

I want to do something, special.

Baby, look in my eyes

Tell me you don't see a future.

Lady, you have my heart,

Lets dance the night away.

I remember all those days

Should of never walked away

Kiss my hand and blow away

All the tears from the day.

Baby girl now cant you see

Me and you were meant to be

Take my hand and stay with me

Together we will see eternity

[Chorus]

Two short years have passed by now

I still try and think of how

Will you please just take a bow

Look at all we have right now.

I will spend all my life

Making you my happy wife

Lasting through every strife

It will never cut with a knife

[Sax/Guitar Solo]

All the memories we have made

All the hours we have paid

They will surely never fade

Baby our lives are made.

Sweetie look at me and see

I'm down here on my knee

Giving you my every plee

Sweetie will you marry me?

[Chorus]

[Short Sax Solo]

I Love You

-------

I'm not sure what else to say right now, so ill end it on that note.

Yours,

BJ Nelson

Running Poem

So this is what i come up with in...10 minutes when im bored =P

Idc if you like it, it passed some time =P

Copyright Reckless Footgear

Cross Country

We’re running and running as fast as we can

No one to look to or to reach out a hand.

The hills are approaching and looking mighty ferocious

Our shoes all muddy and mighty atrocious.

We look to the finish and see our team,

The only ones still waiting, smiling with a beam.

Yeah we’re stupid and yeah we’re gay

But look at our friends…ok they are pretty gay…

But gay or not, we’ve all made it through,

And now we’re sitting here, re-lacing our shoe.

There’s no need to explain, no need to wonder

We have some great coaches, the almighty plunder.

Yes, plunder is right, for we be mighty pirates,

And I’m putting this line here because nothing rhymes with pirates…

At cross country camp, we come together as one,

To explore each other, until the knot is finally done.

This knot will bind us to our dying day on earth,

So that we’re brothers and sisters, from our timely birth.

So let’s run and run, as fast as we can,

Cuz running is horrible, but we’re all a fan.

-BeeJ

Running...

It's my favorite thing in the world to do, and now im stuck with Megatron (my air cast) on my leg for two weeks and i cant run for god knows how long. This is oh so depressing, especially at the very beginning of XC season...

Grr...

- I hate stupid doctors who cant read x-rays...i mean come on! I saw something wrong on it!!!

- I do like doctore who actually know what they're doing, and treat/diagnois me well =]

- I hate MRI machines. Why do they take so longgggg!!!!

- I hate my legs...

- I'm still gonna be there for my teams. XC and Triathlon crew, im not gonna leave ya in the dust. Just don't leave me in it.

So that's my life right now...No running...only biking and swimming...and of course i don't have a CFC pass so i can really go in there...even though i am an athlete...and i go to the dang school....

FML