Last night, I came home from an exciting day of Cedar Point. I eventually made my way up the 17 or so steps, stumbling on two near the top. After getting getting yelled at, not because I did something wrong, but because my mom felt the need to take her rage out on me, I somehow rested my pillow which seemed to ease all the pain driving for an hour and forty-five minutes had brought upon my body. After making sure Kristin and Aubrey had gotten home safely, I began to rest my head on my pillow, only to realize ten minutes in that I had forgotten to brush my teeth. I got up and began to brush my teeth, looking at myself and saying in my mind, "Was there more? Was it really as innocent as we planned? Can it be more?" Those two questions ran through my mind, maybe two more times each. I slowly "glide" to my room and fall asleep. I say glide because I honestly don't remember walking. I fall asleep, and begin to dream...
We're sitting on two white rocking chairs, on the front porch of our house on the sands of a beach somewhere in the south. The ocean smell is flowing through my nostrils, and the sun is shining brightly still as a glass of lemonade rests in my hands. As children often do near water, there are three little children near the bank of the ocean, playing in the sand and water. Your hand reaches over and grabs mine, and although I don't look over, I smile to myself, and you laugh a little and say, "Why did you smile like that? I haven't seen a smile like that in years." I smile even bigger saying, "Because, I just remember thinking about living like this for a long time, and now I'm here, together, with you." As I turn my head to glance over at you, the dream blurs, and all I see is the outline of a girlish figure, reaching up to, I'm assuming, tuck hair behind her ear.
This dream has been on my mind all day, mainly because of how vivid it was and how clearly I can remember it. All day, my mind has been wondering, who are you? Where are you? Why are you waiting? All I know is, whether I have met you already or not, you're out there, and I know someday I will "tie the knot" with you. Truthfully, that day cannot get here any sooner, but I'm going to eat my own words and live day to day, and not hope for the future. When I feel the need for the future to arrive for whatever reason, I just think back to that old man I saw one day back in June who had no legs at all, and yet was running. When will my last day be? That can never be determined for certain. But I have to live day to day, as everyone else should. But I also must say that I can't shun the feeling of Love again, because it's a really wonderful feeling. Indescribable really. I've seen a friend recently lose someone, who although they didn't date long at all, think that she couldn't ever Love again because of how bad it hurts to lose that feeling. I also had another friend lose someone who they did Love for a very long time, and they seem to be back on their feet with...well, most of the things in their life. Don't be afraid of it. It's hard to heed those words, even for me, but don't be afraid.
Well, I think I'll wrap it up there...
Where ever you are, whoever you are, all I know is you're out there. Somewhere. And you may not ever read this, but please, don't wait to long ok? =]
Humbly Yours,
BeeJ
BeeJ
