Well, i havent been able to write at all lately because i have been so busy! And of course ive been meaning to write for a while now, so lets do some reflecting on the past month or so.
So since i last wrote, a lot has happened and/or changed. I turned 18 =] And that was exciting..kinda. Nothing much happened, but i did get a really nice laptop, so that was nice. My running has been going pretty well. I wanted to say this for a while now, but again i havent been able to take time to write, but i just feel like something has finally clicked and im finally finding what’s inside me. this weekend is the last meet, and i guess its all gonna be put on the line this week so that i can really see what is there. Hmm..what else. Homecoming was cool. It was…different, i guess. I enjoyed it though. Oh, yeah, apparently i’ve had mono since like, June. Yeah, for a while now i was suspecting that, but hey what can you do right? Just keep moving on. So now im sick and have mono…its been a wonderful week lol.
Other then the mono, things in my life just seem to be lining up again, finally. Im not sure why, but everything kinda seems to be going in the right direction. I dont want to jynx it, so i wont linger on the subject, but it feels nice to have things going…decently well for a change. Lets just hope it continues this way yeah? I just hope it continues…because i enjoy it. And with XC ending, its gonna suck =/ I love this sport, and i dont want it to end at all. Thats why im determined to finish this week off, my last week, even if i am sick. I told Sarv, Coach, “I dont care if it kills me. At least ill die happy. I’d have to be physically unable to get out of bed to keep me away from that race.”
Lets hope for a good race…
“ And the strength of the wolf is the pack.”
You know, all these college applications and information meeting and stuff are making me anxious…Not to leave, but to just get it all done. It’s stressful…Oh well, no matter how stressful things may get at times, i always find time to run and write, and it always seems to make me feel better, so ill just stick to that. It seems to work. Before i go though, wanted to share this video, or rather this singer. He is an amazing singer, and i just thought i’d share it with everyone for their…viewing pleasure.
Time seems to be going by so fast. Too fast at times, and Ive been so busy that i haven't written in about a month. It's just crazy!!! But hey, that's my life right? And at the same time, I like the craziness. I'm not really sure why, but i feel better when im moving all the time and doing stuff. As much as it wears me down and drains me, I like it.
So im still on the hunt for a homecoming date...not going so well lol. But hey, that's life, and ya gotta take it one step at a time right? Kinda like cross country...but lets not talk about that...actually, lets.
This past weekend i realized that i think far to much when I race. I just need to go out there and do it! It's stupid, but I think its the one thing holding me back. I want to get better then i was pre-injury. And it took Sarvis to tell me that he is gonna take my brain out to get it through to me. Well, no more thinking, just writing.
So thats my life in short. Lately i've had maybe an hour to myself a day, and by "myself" i mean do homework and stuff. And im getting very exhausted...Keep fingers crossed i dont get mono. Lets hope i can keep up with it all.
This is something i wrote for my Decision for Life class. It was an essay that was supposed to describe the different types/forms of love. So have at it.
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Love - With a Capital “L”
Love: –noun
1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
2. Sexual passion or desire
Is that really true? Can one even begin to put a label or definition on such a strong and meaningful word? It just doesn’t seem quite possible. Love takes so many different forms, so many shapes. To some, it may mean physical attraction or emotional attraction or possibly even something that someone does every day, such as a fluff of the hair or smile. It’s the little things that draw people to one another. The imperfect things. It’s physically impossible to be perfect, which makes me a firm believer that it is all the little things that make you imperfect that makes someone begin to fall in Love with you. It’s such a strong feeling, and it cannot be described, but there are many different aspects that make it up, the first of which is Physical Love.
Physical Love is the first thing that sets any feelings off, period. It’s the look of that person, the way they smile. Their eyes. The outside of the entire package. What is on the outside may not mean everything, or even anything in the end, but it has to mean something at some point, because it is the single thing that draws you in. The way they look at you, the way they touch you when they’re happy, and the way they tremble when they’re sad. It’s the way they look you in the eye and smile sometimes, for no seemingly real reason. The way they can make you feel when you touch their lips, or they touch yours. Physical connections are so very important. This person needs to be able to make you feel good when you’re alone, and even when you’re not. But loving someone is much deeper then skin, but it all starts somewhere, and it has to start by being noticed. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but beauty cannot be everything though, there has to be more. There has to be a deeper connection tied down to emotions.
Emotional Love is that butterfly-like feeling you get when you kiss them, or hold their hand. It’s that sensation of being rushed into a wave when they say “I Love You,” for the first time. Emotional Love is being able to say something that makes them cry in happiness and then smiling because you can physically see how much it mean to them. Emotional Love is being able to say “I Love You for who you are,” and being able to pick your partner up even when they are at the lowest depths of their life, because you Love them, and you would do anything to make sure they are happy and well. Emotions involve so many different factors. It means not cheating on them, staying faithful, and never lying just to benefit yourself. Truth itself is one of the biggest factors in a relationship because it builds the biggest factor, trust. Without trust, Love cannot form, it cannot stay, and it can never be. Being emotionally settled means you’re comfortable with just being yourself and your physical being, knowing you aren’t looking, what you consider to be, your best. Your emotions are, in my opinion, the biggest factor in a relationship, and they are something that cannot be damaged, or the relationship will be hurt as a result. It’s the fact of knowing that you’re loved, that you’re cared about, and that always have someone to run to. Some people don’t see a relationship as an emotional bond, but a physical bond. Some people just need that emotion bond to be happy, and like wise for a physical bond. It all depends on the person, but sometime it needs to be more then that.
Social Love is knowing that you can be with the love of your life, and their friends and still be comfortable and happy. Knowing that someone’s friends accept you can really make or break your relationship, because if you can’t get the friends approval, it’s bound to be a tough road for the both of you. Your love would have to go through a lot of torment from constantly hearing friends say how they don’t approve, and things of that matter. Of course, if your love is strong, it can always last through anything and everything that life throws at you. But for a lot of couples, having a friend’s approval, at the very least, a best friend’s approval is a key factor in a relationship. It’s just like having a parent’s approval. If your parents don’t approve, the road will be a very tough road ahead, but again, it can be overcome like anything else in a relationship, as long as your love is true and strong, it will always endure.
Recreational / Aesthetic Love occurs when two people are just together, with family, friends, or no one at all, and are just enjoying the time together doing things that make them who they are. Whether it’s playing games, running around the mall, or just watching movies, this love occurs when two people are simply being their selves. Having fun together and not having to be alone all the time is something that will bring two people together. Doing aesthetic activities bring people closer, and open them up, possibly, to a world they may have never known. Sometimes, finding new things out like this may frighten couples, but it can also bring couples together in the end. You do not, though, have to have the same interests. With all things considered, if the only thing a couple can agree on is a decent singer/song writer, things are going pretty good.
Intellectual / Religious Love is being able to talk to your partner and not be afraid of sounding dumb, or even too smart. The key to a relationship is communication, and if you cannot have a decent conversation that intrigues you, how can you ever hope to have a relationship that can fix things when times and troubles come arise? Along with having these conversations, religious values often times come into play. It may not be important to all, but some people find it to be a very deep and difficult subject that they find to be sensitive to them. If you cannot agree with someone like that, it may not work. But, once again, it can always work if you want it to. You both do not have to have the same religion, or even go to the same church. Wanting a relationship and someone to love will always come over small faults such as this.
Love, with a capital “L.” I think love is too strong of a word to not pay attention to like that. In our language, we capitalize all the words we find to be important; names, places, holidays. Isn’t love important? I think it is far to over looked as something taken for granted, and needs to be taken a little more seriously in that respect. Whether we are talking about love in writing or not, our body will always be the forefront for love, and it will endure all the battles love can throw at it, almost as if our body knows that in the end, love will be the best thing to step into our lives, and the only thing to never leave.
Love Bears All Things, Believes All Things, Hopes All Things, Endures All Things.
I like those quotes =] And I'm in a quote-ish mood, so that's why I posted them. But i really wanted to write for three reasons. One, because i haven't written in quite a while, and I feel the need to. Two, because I have a massive headache, and this always helps. And Lastly, I wanted to reflect on something I said earlier this week. My own quote, if you will.
"Your heart will never lead you down a wrong path. Just some that will be tougher then others. And when that happens, ill be there, no matter what the circumstances or who you are. Always follow your heart."
No matter what we are dealing with in these lives of ours, whether it's Love, friendships, jobs, or anything at all for that matter, follow your heart. It wont ever lead you down the wrong path. It will lead you down some tough paths, that much I can assure you of. But it wont ever be something you cant handle, or aren't meant to get through. Everything does happen for a reason. That saying in itself sounds...cheesy. But yet its really so honest. Everything does happen for a reason. Is there a plan for each and every one of us? I cannot be sure of that. All I know, is that we have to depend on each other to help each other through these lives we live. Keep your friends close, and choose your friends closely. Sometimes, your "friends" wont really be who they seem. Just keep those who really matter close, because they're the ones you can always depend on. They are the ones who will help you when that path does get tough. Everyone will always have that very small group of people that they can forever and always depend on. Just don't lose sight of tat group, because some day, you may need them. And someday, they may need you. Just don't give up on them. On anyone.
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To "You",
I won't give up on you. I wont abandon you. I want to see this through, and I will. And I have a feeling that it will only bring good things in the end. Because you're pretty, and fun, and amazing =] Both of you =]] And there is a lot more I could say, but I'll leave it at that for now. Unless you want me to continue on about it all.
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I don't have much else to say. So I think I'll leave it at that. Lets just hope that everything works out for everybody. =]
Yours,
BeeJ
*Sepcial Thanks to Kristin Ludwick and Mary Wills for the crazy awesome picture!*
Last night, I came home from an exciting day of Cedar Point. I eventually made my way up the 17 or so steps, stumbling on two near the top. After getting getting yelled at, not because I did something wrong, but because my mom felt the need to take her rage out on me, I somehow rested my pillow which seemed to ease all the pain driving for an hour and forty-five minutes had brought upon my body. After making sure Kristin and Aubrey had gotten home safely, I began to rest my head on my pillow, only to realize ten minutes in that I had forgotten to brush my teeth. I got up and began to brush my teeth, looking at myself and saying in my mind, "Was there more? Was it really as innocent as we planned? Can it be more?" Those two questions ran through my mind, maybe two more times each. I slowly "glide" to my room and fall asleep. I say glide because I honestly don't remember walking. I fall asleep, and begin to dream...
We're sitting on two white rocking chairs, on the front porch of our house on the sands of a beach somewhere in the south. The ocean smell is flowing through my nostrils, and the sun is shining brightly still as a glass of lemonade rests in my hands. As children often do near water, there are three little children near the bank of the ocean, playing in the sand and water. Your hand reaches over and grabs mine, and although I don't look over, I smile to myself, and you laugh a little and say, "Why did you smile like that? I haven't seen a smile like that in years." I smile even bigger saying, "Because, I just remember thinking about living like this for a long time, and now I'm here, together, with you." As I turn my head to glance over at you, the dream blurs, and all I see is the outline of a girlish figure, reaching up to, I'm assuming, tuck hair behind her ear.
This dream has been on my mind all day, mainly because of how vivid it was and how clearly I can remember it. All day, my mind has been wondering, who are you? Where are you? Why are you waiting? All I know is, whether I have met you already or not, you're out there, and I know someday I will "tie the knot" with you. Truthfully, that day cannot get here any sooner, but I'm going to eat my own words and live day to day, and not hope for the future. When I feel the need for the future to arrive for whatever reason, I just think back to that old man I saw one day back in June who had no legs at all, and yet was running. When will my last day be? That can never be determined for certain. But I have to live day to day, as everyone else should. But I also must say that I can't shun the feeling of Love again, because it's a really wonderful feeling. Indescribable really. I've seen a friend recently lose someone, who although they didn't date long at all, think that she couldn't ever Love again because of how bad it hurts to lose that feeling. I also had another friend lose someone who they did Love for a very long time, and they seem to be back on their feet with...well, most of the things in their life. Don't be afraid of it. It's hard to heed those words, even for me, but don't be afraid.
Well, I think I'll wrap it up there...
Where ever you are, whoever you are, all I know is you're out there. Somewhere. And you may not ever read this, but please, don't wait to long ok? =]
So I was talking to a really good friend the other day. One of those people that you don't expect anything..motivation/inspiration/philosophical to ever come out of their mouth. Well after some conversation on the matter of girls...
"bj, its not that god doesn't want you to... its just he doesn't think your ready yet"
In a way, it made my day. In another way, it made me realize how much I can depend on him. And in another way...
There comes a time when you realize that your life is meant to be laid out in a certain way. That you are meant to fulfill a role in someones life. Of course, everyone has a role in someones life, whether its taking care of the Love of your life, or just being there for a friend or family member when they need it the most. I know that everyone on this planet has some kind of role in someones life, but I also think that everyone also has a specific job in one, or possibly more, persons life.
The Giver: You tend to put yourself last. You look after someone in particular, someone who will stand out in your life for the rest of it. You take care of this person in their times of need, and even if they somehow manage to slip away from your inner circle of friends for a period of time, you still silently keep an eye on them, knowing that they may need your guidance in the not-so-distant future. You're the one that anyone could always turn to, and you're willing to do anything for a friend. Whether it means being up till 3:30 AM, knowing that you must wake up at 6, or driving through pouring rain, you will be there to help them in their time of need. At the same time, it may be hard for you yourself to heed your own warnings and advice. This is the only downfall to this trait, and this is what makes you special.
The Taker:As much as people may tell you that giving is better then receiving, you're the kind of person who takes as much as you can from your vast number of friends. You don't judge, and you like to expand your friendships as far as they can go. Having so many different friends in so many different cliques and groups, you learn a lot about different people, and it makes you someone easy to talk to. You may not know it, but people look up to you and respect you because you are such a nice person. But you're like any other person, you do pass judgements about some people, but you keep it to yourself, and you don't let those judgements keep you from trying to meet new people. With all these people around you, there is never going to be a time that you wont have friends there to help you and support you. The problem with this trait is that you have so many friends that it is hard to keep in contact with them all, and sometimes, friends can clash putting you right in the middle of the battle. But this is what makes you special.
The Fighter: In you're life you have had to fight for many different things. Whether its friends or even property, you never give up easily. This makes you attractable to some people, showing that you will do whatever is necessary to ensure protection and quality. Not quality as in a quality tool or vehicle, but quality in the sense that you possess things that a lot of people don't now-a-days, and this makes you at least seem genuine. The problem is that, as a fighter, you've had to learn how to make people like you and trust you, and although this is a plus most of the time, it can sometimes lead to some bad occurrences in your life. For the most part, though, you are a good enough person, just watch the temper, and you will see success through leadership and companionship. Despite having the temper, this is what makes you special.
The Quitter: You have gone through life just like The Fighter, down the long and winding road that few have to go down. And unlike the Fighter though, this makes you vulnerable. You are easily scared and when something does frighten you, you tend to run away, ruining a lot of things for you. Relationships have always been hard for you in this sense. Whenever you felt threatened or like you losing something that you cherish, you frighten and run. Sometimes, its not a literal run, but you do something that wasn't the smartest idea. But although the name may suggest it, you never do actually quit. You get right on the verge of quitting, and you pick yourself back up to keep drudging on, and this is what makes you special.
I found a lot of enjoyment in writing that for some reason. I'm sure I will have a few other posts like this with various other types of people, as they come to mind.
