Ripples Can Turn To Waves. Will They?

I think there are a few Artists who can say it best. For example:

“Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. After all this time, you’re still with me it’s true.” (Lonestar - “Not A Day Goes By”)

And at the same time, another artist reminds us that we have to remember something…

“Every plan I make, every road I take, I still see you riding along. Then suddenly it hits me. Oh yeah, you’re gone” (Brad Paisley - “Oh Yeah, You’re Gone.)

Makes me wonder what happened to “Forever & Always,” (Taylor Swift). Makes me wonder if there will be a next time I will see you, which is something you promised me the last time I saw you with tears in my eyes, as I told you I would do whatever it would take to fix this. Why? Because I Love You. And I still do. Probably always will, and every once in a while I begin to wonder if i’ll ever be able to do that again the way I used to.

I can’t help but wonder…that’s human nature I guess. Sometimes it is bad for me, I know that. I shouldn’t dwell on the past. But some days, certain things happen that make you wonder and do a double take. A river full of life is now down to nothing but a trickle, at best, with a few ripples in it, and I don’t like that, at all. Unfortunately, it’s not something I can change on my own, and I don’t like that even more. It kills me. But it takes two as they say, and two truly is better than one. Maybe someday i’ll know that again. I miss it deeply. I don’t dwell on it all the time, but again, sometimes, certain things happen that just make you wonder. Certain things happen that bring back all the memories, and I mean all of them. Ones that only you and I would only ever find significance in. That’s the beauty of Love. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but the two involved. Sometimes It usually doesn’t to a single person around you, and other times it does. And when it does, it’s only one or two people, and they’ve all been there before, in there own quirky way. And they, too, remember those moments that would only ever have meaning to them and one other person.

I’m not sure why im writing this. You may not ever see it, just like you may never hear that song i wrote for you. I guess im writing it in the hopes that you do see it, and realize what is missing from my life. You. Plain and simple. In the end, I just dont want to be that guy, 20…30…40 years from now who is married and thinks back thinking,

I was happier then…why can’t I be as happy now?

I don’t ever want that, and I want to take a chance, want to experience the old again. I know one thing, for sure. I’ve been single for a long time now, and have had many opportunities to become taken. And you know, when I think back, B Von was right.

It’s not that God doesn’t want you to have someone BeeJ, it’s just that he knows you aren’t ready yet, and haven’t met the right person. Maybe you really are supposed to wait for her to come back.

As much as I didn’t believe that then…I do no, whole heartedly. And i’ve waited, and I am ready. I’ve learned, and im ready to apply. Ready to treat you the way you know you should be treated, and ready to really smile again, instead of this face that I put on everyday that says im happy. I want to be really happy again, knowing that someone you are always there for me; to talk, listen and make me laugh. To let me take care of, spoil, tickle, stare at…

I miss it all, and im more than ready to come back. And yet im afraid to say anything to be, for fear that i’ll screw up something. That’s just how much you mean to me; I don’t wanna screw a single thing up. At all…I’m over thinking it again, I know.

 

I just hope you see this somehow…Whether you read it or it just comes to you from God himself, it doesn’t matter to me, I just want you to know how I feel. And i’d give anything in the world for a response. I really would. Whether it’s the good or bad, I need to hear it. Because I Love You, and I always will, just like I promised you. Forever & Always.

 

To the reader, I don’t expect you to understand this, or comprehend even. Maybe you enjoyed reading it, and I assure you if not, there will be more that you will like. But in the end, this is for one person, and one person only. Maybe you’ll understand it someday, the amount of emotion that was out into it. The feeling to not hold anything back, sometimes it comes out. And it’s not a bad thing. I just needed to see myself say this I guess, and hope that she is contacted in some way, and in some way sees this, and realizes what I hope she will realize.

 

Texting Can Be Difficult

I don’t know why I choose to torment myself so much. Running, swimming, biking, relationships…It’s all so much at times, and yet I cant just stop….

The cell phone vibrates…I know who it is…

It sometimes feels like I'm meant to do nothing but that. The only escape I have from relationships is working out, and the only escape i have from working out is relationships, or worrying about them (That sounds retarded i know, but it seems true). I worry about you, a lot. Probably more than I should. What have I been wondering?

Texts…they can make you sweat and shake, ya know?

A lot of different things. I don’t want to write them though, someday you’ll hear them. Someday soon I hope.

I can’t even text…

And when I'm not worrying about that, I'm worrying about running and training. I have such high expectations for myself this year. I quit Jazz Band, something i have done since 6th grade, in order to focus more on training (That wasn’t the only reason, the director isn’t on my good side). I want to excel this year so much, and I need to train so hard. And i am, this triathlon training, it makes the mind strong and resilient. Makes it possible to see everything else in the world as easy. I’m not lying or exaggerating, I'm dead serious. But the only thing it doesn’t make easier is…is you.

Running…swimming…biking. I love it all. Sometimes too much. But the down side is that as much as I like the thinking that it allows me to do, the time it gives me to clear my mind, sometimes its not good for me. Sometimes I over think, or think too much. Problem is that I don’t know what to think sometimes.

After that text maybe I do. Maybe…

Final Thoughts:

• To Love and Be Loved, Sam Keen, is a great book.
• The University of Texas needs to get back to me sooner.
• Maybe?
• New Years Resolution: Be the best at everything I possibly can be.

Happy New Year, and may it be filled with Love, Wealth and Happiness.

Taking It In Stride…Big Strides

  There are some days that just make you look back upon the day and be thankful for such great friends and times. Ran in the snow today with Marissa down Blair Road in Perry. Great and exhausting run in 20 degree weather in the wind and what not. Almost got hit by 2 Snow plows. Learned that my spit will freeze in seconds. Pretty cool. Very fun =]] Cant wait for the run this weekend, and definitely cant wait to do that run again, even if my face did freeze.

But its days like this that make you wonder what if? What if it would work? I’m not sure what would happen, but im ever so curious. I mean, best friends can make the best relationships. Right?

Maybe im crazy…

Maybe im not…who knows. All i know is that today i figured out how much i care when someoneeeee rolled their ankle and i didnt like the idea, at all, of someoneeeeee running back 3 miles on it and wanted to carry them. Felt so bad afterwards, you dont even know, it was bad lol.

It’s better to have tried and failed then not tried at all, right?

I dont know, its been a crazy week so far, finished my research paper though, so that was a plus, just gotta get my last draft back and fix some of those last few corrections. Im excited, 16 pages of glory, and im so happy its done.

Just cant get you outta my mind, its killing me!

Someone told me i might be over thinking this, but i dont think i am, at least i hope im not. I just want something new and great, that i know inside me will be amazing =] That’s all. But maybe it is too much. I just wish i knew the answer.

 

I guess we all just have to take it one stride at a time and hope for the best, just like running, one step at a time. Can’t predict the future, so may as well stop worrying about it. All you can do is focus on the present and hope for the best. Well, im hoping for the best right now, and hoping it all comes together.

 

Current Music Favorite:

Jay-Z

Kid Cudi

Brad Paisley

Drake

Lil’ Wayne

Brian McKnight

Hope everyone's having a great holiday season! I’m sure ill be on soon, i went far to long without writing, but Happy Holiday anyways!!

 

Humbly Yours,

BJ Nelson

Time…there isn’t enough of it.

Although today was my first time running in about 5 weeks, (7:49 average mile for 4 miles =] ) it seems like just when i was enjoying having some time to myself, its back to real life. Everything is starting back up, Triathlon training, jazz band, Student Council is getting busy, and somewhere in-between I have to find time to work as well.

(I hate changing garbage can bags by the way…)

Lets see, Mondays, I have training (Running) then homework till who knows when. Tuesdays; running and then swimming, so ill be getting home late…Wednesdays are another late night; I have meetings on these days, and then I have training (running) and then straight to jazz band. Thursdays are a repeat of Tuesdays, and Fridays are a repeat of Mondays. Saturday and Sunday, i have to run and bike. Busy busy busy.

 

I guess I like being busy though. Keeps me occupied and focused. Although it does make it hard to enjoy the little things sometimes. I guess I miss the little things, although I haven’t had anyone to enjoy the little things with in quite a while (On another note; Friend Zone…yeah, it sucks). I’m still looking, but i’m not looking to hard, im gonna go for the “come to me” approach i guess from now on. I’m just so busy, its hard to keep looking, but ill find her in due time right? … Right?

Lets hope so…

 

Currently reading Moby Dick for Stavar’s class, lets hope its not so bad…

 

“Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat”

- Malcolm S. Forbes

I wanna make it to districts (at least) in the 2 Mile this year….I want it bad, and im workin my butt off to get there.

 

 

Humbly Yours,

BJ Nelson

 

Training For A Triath—… Life

Every turn in the right direction seems to lead to one that’s the wrong direction, and its not even remotely entertaining anymore. I just cant take it, its so frustrating. I get sick and diagnosed with mono, then get better from the sick, not the mono though, and then two days later im sick again. And then once more, which brings us to the present. So currently, i’ve been sick three different times in about a three week span, and have had mono since about June. Wonderful…

On top of that, I have people in my life who don’t seem to care anymore. Or, rather, one who cares and is trying to change for the better (I thank you)m and one who doesn’t seem to care. I honestly never though i’d see this happen, but it’s killing me inside see it, and I don’t know what to do, yet at the same time I know I can’t do anything to help the situation…I hate not being able to help. I guess ill have to hope that somehow they see this and figure it out. Let’s hope it get better…soon.

 

“Time heals all”

 

Although i’m sick, I cant help but be excited for this indoor triathlon i found out about (http://osutriathlon.com/indoorTri.html). It sounds like a ton of fun, and I really hope i can find some people to do it with me. But, i need to get better first, and i plan to.

 

 

Humbly Yours,

BJ Nelson

 

Mono stands for…

I’m home alone right now, and I feel the need to write about whatever pops into my mind. The first thing…

This mono sucks big time. Not only do i feel lazy as all hell because I have to come home right after school and am not allowed to workout for 3 weeks. Wonderful…It sucks though because its my release and I cant do it. =/ More then that though, im still disappointed about my season overall, but that’s for another day. I guess this just means ill have plenty of time to do some homework and reading that i need to catch up on. Why does life have to suck like this? I dont know either, but all i do know is that Kenny G is amazing, which i am watching a concert of on tv.

Still unsure of a few things right now. I guess i dont know what i want, but im sure that will come in time. All i do know is that an answer has to come at some point, and im eagerly awaiting that answer. While i wait for it though, im finding it quite enjoyable to write my research paper everyday. Its fun to write about why Love is much more than an emotion. Maybe im weird for thinking that, but hey its what i like so oh well. =]

 

Humbly Yours,

BJ Nelson

Reflections On a Rippled Past

Well, i havent been able to write at all lately because i have been so busy! And of course ive been meaning to write for a while now, so lets do some reflecting on the past month or so.

So since i last wrote, a lot has happened and/or changed. I turned 18  =] And that was exciting..kinda. Nothing much happened, but i did get a really nice laptop, so that was nice. My running has been going pretty well. I wanted to say this for a while now, but again i havent been able to take time to write, but i just feel like something has finally clicked and im finally finding what’s inside me. this weekend is the last meet, and i guess its all gonna be put on the line this week so that i can really see what is there. Hmm..what else. Homecoming was cool. It was…different, i guess. I enjoyed it though. Oh, yeah, apparently i’ve had mono since like, June. Yeah, for a while now i was suspecting that, but hey what can you do right? Just keep moving on. So now im sick and have mono…its been a wonderful week lol.

Other then the mono, things in my life just seem to be lining up again, finally. Im not sure why, but everything kinda seems to be going in the right direction. I dont want to jynx it, so i wont linger on the subject, but it feels nice to have things going…decently well for a change. Lets just hope it continues this way yeah? I just hope it continues…because i enjoy it. And with XC ending, its gonna suck =/ I love this sport, and i dont want it to end at all. Thats why im determined to finish this week off, my last week, even if i am sick. I told Sarv, Coach, “I dont care if it kills me. At least ill die happy. I’d have to be physically unable to get out of bed to keep me away from that race.”

Lets hope for a good race…

“ And the strength of the wolf is the pack.”

You know, all these college applications and information meeting and stuff are making me anxious…Not to leave, but to just get it all done. It’s stressful…Oh well, no matter how stressful things may get at times, i always find time to run and write, and it always seems to make me feel better, so ill just stick to that. It seems to work. Before i go though, wanted to share this video, or rather this singer. He is an amazing singer, and i just thought i’d share it with everyone for their…viewing pleasure.

 

Humbly Yours,

BJ Nelson